Star Wreck
by Techno-Dann
Summary: I got really tired of Star Trek's episodes, so I wrote this parody. I hope Q doesn't get ahold of this. Please R
1. Day 0

Star Wreck: day 0  
Note: this is a parody. If you don't like such humorous things, LEAVE NOW!!!  
  
Narrator: Two men walk through the door, disrupters blazing.  
  
LaForge: Hey! You can't just do this to me! I work my tail off for this ship, and now you're just going to blow it to pieces again? OVER MY DEAD BODY!  
  
Narrator: I can arrange that.  
  
LaForge: Oh shoot.  
  
Men walking through door with disrupters blazing: Shoot? Gladly!  
  
LaForge: But this is-  
  
Sophisticated Electronics: -sizzle-  
  
LaForge: -main engineering!  
  
Expendable crewman: Duck!  
  
Narrator: Where?  
  
LaForge: Watch out for the main power core.  
  
Power Core: -disrupting noises-  
  
LaForge: Blast!  
  
Expendable Crewman: I wouldn't say that.  
  
Power Core: BLLLAAAAASSSSSSSST!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Ouch. That can't be very healthy for the good ol' Enterprise.  
  
Narrator: Anyway, a few hours later, the crew chiefs were gathered together in the briefing room.  
  
Picard: You mean to say that not only are we without power-  
  
A slightly singed LaForge: Except for those "double-A"s I scrounged. Found 'em in Worf's Game Boy.  
  
Worf: -snarl-  
  
Picard: As I was saying, not only are we without power, we also are drifting towards the Dark Maelstrom of Doom anomaly, where we, in the time of twelve day-  
  
Data: Twelve days, Thirteen hours, forty-seven minutes, and thirty-four seconds, to be exact.  
  
Picard: In said time, we and the rest of the crew will perish from Zeta Inverse Tachyon radiation.  
  
Dr. Crusher: Perish?  
  
Data: Kick the bucket. Buy the farm. Go six feet under. Belly up-  
  
Picard. Thank you Data. Dismissed.  
  
Narrator: And thus began that saga, that great and noble tale, that daring epic, that moving story of. Star Wreck! 


	2. Day 1

Star Wreck: Day 1  
  
A Q-uestion  
  
Disclaimer: Yes! I really do own Star Trek! Mr. Roddenberry copied from ME! Bwa-hahahaa! -snicker-  
  
Narrator: That said, we rejoin the Enterprise.  
  
LaForge: Amazing how well those "double A"s are holding up.  
  
O'Brien: Yup. Life support is operating, we've got lights running, and even the artificial gravity is still working. You'd never know that we're missing at least half the ship.  
  
LaForge: (Reading "Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual") Hey! It says here that the artificial gravity system operates on standard EPS power! I don't think that those batteries are giving any electro-plasma output. That means that there must be a backup reactor online somewhere!  
  
O'Brien: (grabs Technical Manual) Let's see here. Reactors. Plasma. Dilithium. Hydrogen. I don't see it anywhere.  
  
LaForge: Gimme. (grabs Technical Manual back) Right here! Impulse power systems, emergency operations!  
  
Narrator: Data walks by, muttering.  
  
Data: mutter mutter mumble mumble  
  
O'Brien: Would you repeat that, Data?  
  
Data: mutter mutter mumble mumble  
  
O'Brien: (sarcastically) Thank you so very much for telling me that.  
  
Data: Quite welcome. With 11 days, 17 hours, 51 minutes, and 7 seconds to go, I can afford to be polite. Have a nice day.  
  
Narrator: Data walks off down the hallway, muttering  
  
Data: mutter mutter mumble mumble  
  
Narrator: LaForge's communicator beeps.  
  
LaForge: Geordi here.  
  
Communicator: We need you in the Gym. The aft wall is deforming.  
  
LaForge: Deforming?  
  
Communicator: Yes. Deforming.  
  
LaForge: (sighs) Coming.  
  
In the gym:  
  
Narrator: the wall is bulging.  
  
LaForge: I noticed.  
  
Worf: By the shape, I would guess that a person was being rammed through the wall.  
  
Data: Impossible. To do such a thing would require a molecular integrity equal to that of Duranium. Which means that that deform.  
  
Deformation: riiiiippp!!!!  
  
LaForge: Hey! there's a person in there!  
  
Worf: I knew it.  
  
Data: There's only one cast member in this universe with the molecular integrity to do that.  
  
All except the person _, who has now been forced all the way through the wall and is lying on the floor: -draw in breath to say something-  
  
_: Who am I? Where am I? And why is everyone giving me that strange look? 


End file.
